Looking up

I'm sorry if I worried any of you the past couple weeks. I will admit, it was pretty tough, for a few different reasons. But it's okay, I know that. I'm really thankful that god has given me a companion that fits perfectly with me, that is helping me just get through some of the days. The week before last, when I wrote you, was amazing. Honestly, we saw miracle after miracle, and our investigators were just soaring, and we thought we'd see lots of baptisms. And then this last week, everything just seemed to fall. hard. My..favorite..investigator..not that i pick favorites often, but I really liked her. I talked to her on the phone almost every night, and we loved spending time with her, and she really seemed to be accepting the gospel well. We gave her a soft baptismal commitment, and we decided we'd work together. Seeing as how most of you that I'm writing this letter to served missions..and a lot of you in Korea..maybe you can see where this is already going. Somehow lots of people here think our church is like..really scary. Sometimes people even run away form us. Anyways, this week she's completely dropped us, I can't get a hold of her in anyway. But its okay, because we did the best we could. Also, somehow this week, tons of members..okay not tons..but as missionaries it feels like tons..of presbyterians have been contacting us because they "want to learn about our church" So, we've been meeting with a few middle aged presbyterian preachers, deaconesses, etc. and it honestly really sucks. Am I allowed to say that? Let me add to it, that I really am learning a lot. In the sense that these middle aged Koreans love to treat me kind of like crap because I'm half, and I am just learning a lot about patience and just praying a lot to love some people. Usually it is not hard for me to love people, but like I realize that God is strenghthening me even more. I'll be able to love them, I know I will. They usually just end up bible bashing, and my companion just sits there patiently, explains that we're not here to teach knowledge about the bible, but to invite people to learn through the spirit, etc. It usually doesn't get anywhere. I think this week, we might end up dropping a few of them..it is pretty stressful, and we usually end up just getting preached at for 2 hours until we have another appointment. It was really humbling for me, and my companion. We did so awesome the week before, that maybe we were slipping in some areas because we were so comfy and on a high of sorts. One day when all of our appointments dropped within about 10 minutes of each other, and our most progressing investigators weren't contacting us back all week.. We re-evaluated our obedience, and found areas where we could improve. The day we repented, and started on a more strict road, that night one of our invesitgators called us and told us that she had lost her phone, but that she wanted to meet the next day. When we met with her the next day, we studied English for a bit, and then she kind of anxiously pulled out the book of mormon we gave her and said let's study! She opened it up and said, i have some questions. She started asking lots of questions about the 1 nephi: 1. Which we commited her to read. We were shocked at how well she understood it. We told her that she was really smart, and she said no, actually I'm not. I had to read it 10 or 11 times before I could understand it. We just kind of looked at her with blank stares and said, huh? 10 or 11 times? ? ? But I mean, we weren't complaining. Just, just. just. I don't know. I'm sure you know what I mean. It just was this huge hug from God, like finally after this week, this week of just falling, and climbing, and just trying to wake up and do anything, and listening to bible bashing, and having faith broken down, and contacting in the nuclear rain, it just was really..everything was okay. Better than okay. I have the biggest investigator crush on this investigator. She was this huge light to me at the end of the week. And i'm so thankful for her, and it is for her and for my other future investigators, and most importantly for God that I get up in the morning with willingness, and desire. After that, me and my companion walked her to the bus stop, and then we walked home and we just finally could really smile after a long week. If I think about my companion I can always smile.

do you want to hear some more of the good things? :) I got to listen to God's prophets and apostles this weekend, and it was like a much needed bucket of water, in my dry soul. All the missionaries keep talking about Elder Scott's talk hahahaha. You have no idea how much a talk like that can effect a bunch of missionaries. Actually, you probably do. Last night my companion came into the room, and said--let's talk about marriage!!!! I laughed, which I usually do when she wants to talk about marriage. I still have a year left, so what do I have to think about? just missionary work right now. My favorite talk was probably Elder Uchtdorfs, and I will admit-Elder Scott's talk was very sweet. Didn't really make me want to get married, just made me want to be the type of wife someday that Elder Scott had. Probably the thing that stood out to me the most was about the Church's welfare program. I had been looking into doing an internship with LDS Philanthropies before I put in my papers, and when I was listening to all of those talks I just felt burning, like that's really really what I want to do> I really want to work for the Church welfare system. Really. I get really excited about it. But, I'll think about it later. Like next year.

Dad, you keep asking about the weather--it is purrrfect. The trees are all blooming, and I'm so excited that I get to be in Korea in the spring. There are cherry blossoms everywhere, and another white flower tree that I don't know how to describe. Just really beautiful. It is sunny, warm, but with a clean cold edge occasisonaly, which I love. I don't want to figure out how to spell that right. It is pday..of course. And if you ever doubted before that I'm in Korea, just know that today with my zone we had a dukkbokki (spicy rice cake? ) making contest, and pingpong, and walking through cherry blossoms on the way to play soccer. I'm afraid for summer.
Mom, you'd be so proud of me. I have eaten kimchi chiggae, sun-dae, and I eat squid like chicken now. I eat kimchi everyday, and sometimes I even crave it in the morning. I can eat oysters, and other misc. seafoods that I don' t want to know the names of. I am trying really hard to learn Korean. I taught the second lesson almost all by myself last week! President says that I have to be senior a couple of times a week because all of the older sisters will leave soon, and even though I'm in my 2nd transfer and can't speak Korean..i'm afraid I'll have to step up soon out of my very thin and shaky little greeny bubble. I have a feeling like next transfer i'll probably leave. There will be a lot of new sisters coming in-4, and they will need trainers. my companion. I wouldn't mind leaving daejeon, or staying. Sometimes I wonder what missionary work is like away from the mission office and home, and aps, and office elders. Our district is bigger than most of the zones in my mission. I don't know how much I told you before. I'm just spewing off information now.

Welp, its been a really good time for me. I really am thankful for the times when God trusts me enough to give me experiences to grow. Mom, I know you told me that being half Korean would be one of my biggest blessings and one of my biggest trials on my mission. And just as you said, so has it been that way. People my age are really nice to me, and people..maybe mom's age sometimes are not. Its okay. Lots of the Korean missionaries, elders and sisters, and korean investigators, and just other americans too have been asking me a lot about how it is to be half korean, or what I think about interracial marriage. I get asked all. the. time. I think there have been a few other halfies in my mission who have apparently really hated being half. But, i think people can see that I don't hate it and so they keep wanting to know how my parents raised me, are they still happy, do i think they'll be happy forever, etc, am i happy as a half, anyways. i have to go now. Just, yeah. Anyways. I can't form legible sentences anymore.

I love you all. I hope you are all doing well, and having a happy spring.


Sister Cutler