I know I say this all the time, but I can't believe that it is time to write another email home already. This transfers almost over, and it blows me away. Mom asked in her email about my investigators. If I may be completely honest with everybody here receiving this. Its completely difficult, and feels absolutely impossbile sometimes. I'm almost done with my second transfer, I still haven't been able to get one person to attend sacrament meeting, it seems like every investigator that starts progressing hears something absolutely horrifying and false about our church and then refuses to meet with us, and the sweet recent converts we have are having problems with.. lots of things. And recently I feel like I get worse and worse at Korean everyday! When I'm talking to somebody on the street, sometimes I'll be talking for a while, when I hear them at the end say in Korean--what is she talking about? 헐!!!!So, now I understand when people say that missionary work is hard..it really is. But, after I wrote my email home last week, I was thinking. And I realized that I wrote a bunch of stuff that was hard, mostly because I just want to be honest with my family, and not hide anything that I'm feeling from them. I want them to still feel like they know what's going on inside of me, and not just seeing on the seemingly perfect missionary mask that I will put on for everybody else. So, back to what I realized last week. After I was telling these things that were hard, I decided that I should be a bit positive right, so that nobody would think that I'm just a completely trunky, bad missionary. But, even when I was positive--I still was just talking about myself. ie; its hard that older Korean people treat me like --did I say crap? If i did i'm sorry. Anyways, but then I said there are some people that are really nice to me. I realized shortly after I left the computer what was wrong with my attitude. I'm just worrying about how people are responding to me. I'm thinking about me all the time. I mean, i still think about my investigators, a lot. but, somehow I was just frustrated a lot. Why is it not working? What am I doing wrong? Why can't I communicate with them? etc. i iiiiiii iii. How sad, I was already 6 months into my mission before I realized that. And the even more sad thing is that, I'll probably still do it sometimes. You know that joke where they say--People who serve in the states learn the gospel, people who serve in South America learn how to baptize, and people who serve in Asia learn patience. Hul. But, I promise I'll work hard. Even morning I can wake up and change something. I will make myself better every day on my misison. Even if it is just by memorizing one new word if that is all I can do that day. So, I'm sorry to my companion that she got caught in about one weeks worth of really serious Lia thinking about the meaning of everything time. hahaha. I turn into a hermit, which is just not really acceptable as a missionary. And really awkward to be on the streets and meeting people, but somehow being stuck in weird little bubble of a surreal reality. Anyways, its over now. I think. At the end, when the bubble finally popped, I realized mostly that I need to just completely love my investigators, and rely on the spirit, and just have faith continually with diligence.
Okay after that big mess up there ^ I will tell you a little about whats been going on this week. I'll start from the end, since its what I remember the best. Yesterday, we ate at the korean-american family's house out in the country. Then we went to our recent converts house where she massaged my legs, despite my uncontrollable kicking and scream/laugh, until they were "soft"...and actually today, they are just bruised. But they assured me that it will be good for me in the end. . . we will see. And then she came out proselyting with us. Which we thought would be fun, and great because we could do member lessons on the street. It ended up just making her really sad because people were so mean to us. hahaha. But, we don't care anymore. But, she was shocked, and everytime after people were really mean to us she would get really mad and imitate them walking away from us and then she would tell us what she would do if she were us. Which is saying things like, oh yeah, your busy huh? huh? yeah! you crazy!! and then making a punching motion to somebody's face. Luckily, she never got to fully act out a contact on a really person. Oh, speaking of which..as in speaking of Ko So Joo, the recent convert--Jason and Romy--please answer this question--she is moving to Australia next year for working holiday..and she wants to know which city will have the most LDS single adults for her to be around--Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Gold Coast, Adelaide, Perth??? I told her Sydney would be great..and i told her maybe I'll move there next year too for an internship after my mission ^_^ Lets see, we have been meeting still with the Presbyterian ladies, and it has been interesting. I think we may need to drop them soon though. We've been praying a lot..and i think it needs to be done soon. We had presidents interviews this week too. He told me that I should think about changing the name on my tag to Choi Lia Chamae. Because..I can't say Cutler in Korean..apparently when I say it, it always sounds like nose ring. hmm. So, I will think about changing it. But, I don't want to be a weirdo that uses a korean name..even though I guess Lia really is my name. President says that if I want to, then I have his blessing and he thinks it would be good. But, he is a little worried that if I get to use my first name like the full Koreans that other Americans will be wanting to do it too. We'll see. Um, also-it is 100% andeiyo for me to see anybody that comes to visit korea this summer. The brethren have strictly said absolutely nothing. So none of you even think about coming and finding me!!!!!! You can just send me letters and pictures while you are in korea :) And if I'm not in Daejeon, you can come and see my area and maybe see my companion.
Anyways, I'm out of time i think. I'm going to go and buy richard some sweet ties in the Shinae. Also, I just discovered the district of second hand stores--the district!! Not just one, but an entire area of the cities! Can you believe it? I really am half korean. and the whole district is putting everything half off this week. Anywho, okay bye.!
Love Choi Lia Chamae. uhn .It sounds weeird.weird. I'll just be Nose ring chamae.
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